I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
“My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit”
“My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!”
“My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.”
“When you breathe, you inspire, and when you do not breathe, you expire.”
“My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes.”
“What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!”
“Thyself shall see the act; For, as thou urgest justice, be assured Thou shalt have justice, more than thou desir'st.”
“No one has ever seen a Republican mass meeting that was devoid of the perception of the ludicrous.”
“I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible.”
