"A lot of people are afraid of..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.”

“I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, "Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday."”

“I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.”

“I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn't grow anything. Hey, how about some celery? Plus, if I tore your legs off, you would look like snowmen.”

“All I know is just what I read in the Congressional Record. They have had some awful funny articles in there lately. As our government deteriorates, our humor increases.”

“Learned conversation is either the affectation of the ignorant or the profession of the mentally unemployed.”

“Focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear.”

“People like us don't go out at night cause people like them see us for what we are”

“Of all the things a leader should fear, complacency heads the list.”