“My father was a small claims court jester.”

“The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.”

“If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?”

“I have a fax machine with "fax waiting".”

“I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'”

“Now let it work. Mischief, thou art afoot. Take thou what course thou wilt.”

“The time is out of joint.”

“Confusion now hath made his masterpiece.”