“My father was a small claims court jester.”

“The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.”

“If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?”

“I have a fax machine with "fax waiting".”

“I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'”

“Ask God for temp'rance. That's th' appliance only Which your disease requires.”

“If thou couldst, doctor, cast The water of my land, find her disease, And purge it to a sound and pristine health, I would applaud thee to the very echo, That should applaud you again.”

“Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it.”