"I live at the end of a..." - Quote by Steven Wright
I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
More by Steven Wright
“If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.”
“When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There I was running down the street on a purple wooden horse.”
“If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?”
More on Humor
“And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National”
“You know they call corn-on-the-cob, "corn-on-the-cob", but that's how it comes out of the ground. They should just call it corn, and every other type of corn, corn-off-the-cob. It's not like if someone cut off my arm they would call it "Mitch", but then re-attached it, and call it "Mitch-all-together".”
“Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?”
More on Absurdity
“I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.”
“I felt that I had been happy and that I was happy again. For everything to be consummated, for me to feel less alone, I had only to wish that there be a large crowd of spectators the day of my execution and that they greet me with cries of hate.”
“I was skydiving horizontally.”