"I've been doing comedy longer than I..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“Is it possible to be totally partial?”

“Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?”

“To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.”

“Stand-up is the place where you can do things that you could never do in public.”

“You get to play with people's little danger zones.”

“Alan Zweibel is the funniest writer in the world. He might be even funnier when he's naked, but I'm afraid to find out.”

“You've got to be on the ball from the minute you step out into that spotlight. You gotta know exactly what you're doing every second on that stage, otherwise the act goes right into the bathroom. It's all over. Good night.”

“I draw from the crowd a lot.”

“Are you a thinker, a doer, or a clutch player? The better you are, the greater potential for influence you will have with your people.”