"You can't have everything. Where would you..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, "Do you want white cake or chocolate cake?" I said, "yes."”

“I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.”

“The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.”

“Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.”

“It comes down to a doubt about the wisdomOf having children after having had them,So there is nothing we can do about itBut warn the children they perhaps should have none.”

“If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from a laboratory jar at Harvard.”

“All systems of morality are based on the idea that an action has consequences that legitimize or cancel it. A mind imbued with the absurd merely judges that those consequences must be considered calmly.”

“There exists an obvious fact that seems utterly moral: namely, that a man is always prey to his truths. Once he has admitted them, he cannot free himself from them. One has to pay something. A man who has become conscious of the absurd is forever bound to it.”

“I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide.”