"I was hitchhiking the other day and..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.”

“I just got this new camera. It's very advanced - you don't even need it.”

“Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.”

“I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.”

“He would make a lovely corpse.”

“I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.”

“Death means that a form of life dissolves or that the imminent possibility of dissolution exists, whether through our own death or through illness or old age.”

“He that dies this year is quit for the next.”

“Her life-that was the only chance she had-the short season between two silences.”