"I wear my heart on my sleeve...." - Quote by Steven Wright

“I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?”

“I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.”

“I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.”

“In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.”

“Truth is, I wouldn't know a gigabyte from a snakebite.”

“I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.”

“Freedom of Will-that is the expression for the complex state of delight of the person exercising volition, who commands and at the same time identifies himself with the executor of the order-who, as such, enjoys also the triumph over obstacles, but thinks within himself that it was really his own will that overcame them. In this way the person exercising volition adds the feelings of delight of his successful executive instruments, the useful underwills or under-souls-indeed, our body is but a social structure composed of many souls-to his feelings of delight as commander.”

“There is need of a sound body, and even more need of a sound mind. But above mind and above body stands character-the sum of those qualities which we mean when we speak of a man's force and courage, of his good faith and sense of honor.”

“Sex and sleep alone make me conscious that I am mortal.”