“My father was a small claims court jester.”

“The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.”

“If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?”

“I have a fax machine with "fax waiting".”

“I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'”

“Adult males are what their moms designed them.”

“Cannot we let [children] be themselves, and enjoy life in their own way? You are trying to make another you. One's enough.”

“What art can paint or gild any object in after life with the glow which nature gives to the first baubles of childhood? St. Peter's cannot have the magical power over us that the red and gold covers of our first picture-book possessed.”