"I put tape on the mirrors in..." - Quote by Steven Wright
I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.
More by Steven Wright
“I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.”
“The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.”
“How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?”
More on Absurdity
“There are very few moments in a man's existence when he experiences so much ludicrous distress, or meets with so little charitable commiseration, as when he is in pursuit of his own hat.”
“I'd hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat.”
“I got a dog and named him 'Stay'. Now, I go 'Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.”
More on Humor
“When I'm home, I spend Sunday with my husband. If we're not cooking, we travel around in our camper, stop at fast-food restaurants, and picnic. We love that stuff that will harden your arteries in a hurry.”
“A vegetarian is not a person who lives on vegetables, any more than a Catholic is a person who lives on cats.”
“I don't know what humor is.”