"Is it true that cannibals don't eat..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.”

“I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.”

“If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?”

“This is every cook's opinion -no savory dish without an onion,but lest your kissing should be spoiledyour onions must be fully boiled.”

“If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?”

“I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.”

“So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."”

“Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.”

“Immanuel isn't a pun; he Kant be!”