"Whatever happened to preparations A through G?..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“43.7 per cent of all statistics are made up on the spot.”

“When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.”

“One day, when I came home from work, I accidentally put my car key in the door of my apartment building. I turned it, and the whole building started up. So I drove it around. A policeman stopped me for going too fast. He said, "Where do you live?" I said, "Right here!" Then I drove my building onto the middle of a highway, and I ran outside, and told all of the cars to get the hell out of my driveway.”

“If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.”

“The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.”

“When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.”

“Beyond positive and negative, what is Reality?”

“If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?”

“How far should a person go in the name of true love?”