“My father was a small claims court jester.”

“The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.”

“If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?”

“I have a fax machine with "fax waiting".”

“I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'”

“Tobacco and opium have broad backs, and will cheerfully carry the load of armies, if you choose to make them pay high for such joy as they give and such harm as they do.”

“God damn! Drug dealers dealin' to the kiddies,Livin' in the city ain't no pity on the itty-bitty.We try to cry, but still they all die,I try to speak to the youth, and the truth is: they all high.”

“Gettin high, livin' everday, like i'm gonna die.”