"My friend Sam has one leg. I..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes.”

“I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.”

“I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.”

“Niagara Falls is simply a vast unnecessary amount of water going over the wrong way and then falling over unnecessary cliffs...The wonder would be if the water did not fall.”

“My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars.”

“If I were the first of May, I should be ashamed of myself.”

“Take a month and show some kindness for the folks who thought that blindness was an illness that affected eyes alone.”

“A person who is severely impaired never knows his hidden sources of strength until he is treated like a normal human being and encouraged to shape his own life.”

“When your spinal cord freezes up, you're vulnerable to everything. But he [Chrestopher Reese] was tough as nails. And he kept a great, kind of dark sense of humor about it, but also was able to accomplish amazing things.”