"I bought a new Japanese car, I..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.”

“Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.”

“Comedy is in my blood. Too bad it's not in my act.”

“So avoid using the word 'very' because it's lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don't use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women - and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do. It also won't do in your essays.What you do today is important, because you are sacrificing a day of your life for it.Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

“It is sheer laziness not compressing thought into a reasonable space.”

“Ha. "Against my will I am sent to bid you come into dinner." There's a double meaning in that. -Benedick (Much Ado)”

“I'm always on the road, and I drive rental cars. Sometimes I don't know what's going on with the car, and I'll drive for ten miles with the emergency brake on. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake. What kind of emergency is this? I need to not stop now. It's not really an emergency brake, it's an emergency make-the-car-smell-funny lever.”

“I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.”

“The Ford Falcon holds the proud title of Slowest Car Ever Built. In certain areas of the country you can go to a stoplight and find Falcon drivers who pressed down on their accelerators in 1963 and are still waiting for their cars to move.”