"If at first you don't succeed, then..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?”

“When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.”

“I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman.”

“I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck”

“I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.”

“Once when I was lost I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'Do you think we'll ever find them?' He answered, 'I don't know, kid. There are so many places they can hide.”

“When I was young, I observed that nine out of ten things I did were failures. So I did ten times more work.”

“Endeavors succeed or fail because of the people involved.”

“The test of success is not what you do when you are on top. Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.”