"I don't go off and sit down..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.”

“I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.”

“I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.”

“Having room to run and having just the space to use your imagination and create stories out of everyday life, I think that had a lot to do with me wanting write. And write songs”

“Nothing will change the fact that I cannot produce the least thing without absolute solitude.”

“Only in our creative acts do we step forth into the light and see ourselves whole and complete.”

“Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?”

“Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.”

“Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?”