"I bought a perfect second car... a..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.”

“I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.”

“I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?”

“There will never be a time when the old horse is not superior to any auto ever made.”

“I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.”

“I regularly buy and sell cars, but I do not buy and sell fleets.”

“People asking questions, lost in confusion, well I tell them there's no problem, only solutions.”

“During my lifetime most of the problems the world has faced have come, in one fashion or another, from mainland Europe and the solution from outside it.”

“What's the matter with the world? Why, there ain't nothing but one word wrong with everyone of us, and that's selfishness.”