"Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out...." - Quote by Steven Wright

“There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back, you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.”

“The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.”

“You can't have everything. Where would you put it?”

“What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees?”

“I guess libertarianism is always considered so weird and fringe that people assume that you're in the closet if you don't go around talking about it.”

“Never slap a man who is chewing tobacco.”

“Your scheme must be the framework of the universe; all other schemes will soon be ruins.”

“Throughout the ages there have always been those who have been willing to go beyond the norms and reach for that unknown and distant star.”

“The eye - which sees all objects reversed - retains the images for some time.”