Will Rogers Quotes

“There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.”

“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else, but when it happens to you, why it seems to lose some of its Humor, and if it keeps on happening, why the entire laughter kinder Fades out of it.”

“A country can get more real joy out of just hollering for their freedom than they can if they get it.”

“It takes a lifetime to build a good reputation, but you can lose it in a minute.”

“I don't care how poor and inefficient a little country is - they like to run their own business. I know men that would -make my wife a better husband than I am but, darn it, I'm not going to give her to 'em.”

“People are marvelous in their generosity, if they just know the cause is there.”

“A Realtor is an old fashioned Real Estate man with a neck tie. A Real Estate man sold you what you wanted, a Realtor sells you what you don't need. A Real Estate man showed you what you could raise on the land, a Realtor tells you what you can build on it.”

“The Democrats are going to change the name of the Hoover Dam. That is the silliest thing I ever heard of in politics . . . Lord if they feel that way about it, I don't see why they don't just reverse the two words.”

“You should never try and teach a pig to read for two reasons. First, it's impossible; and secondly, it annoys the hell out of the pig!.”

“The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.”

“I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.”

“Prosperity this Winter is going to be enjoyed by everybody that is fortunate enough to get into the poor farm.”

“The minute you read something and you can't understand it, you can be sure it was written by a lawyer. Then, if you give it to another lawyer to read and he don't know just what it means, then you can be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer. If it's in a few words and is plain, and understandable only one way, it was written by a non-lawyer.”

“You can't tell what a man is like or what he is thinking when you are looking at him. You must get around behind him and see what he has been looking at.”

“Rotation of crops and less automobiles will relieve the farmers whenever they decide to try it.”

“The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer.”

“Lord, the money we do spend on Government and it's not one bit better than the government we got for one-third the money twenty years ago.”

“The good people of Dakota offered to give Calvin Coolidge a farm if he would live on it. I wouldn't advise you to give those people too much credit for generosity. There is not a farmer in any State in the West that wouldn't be glad to give him a farm if he will paint it, fix up the fences and keep up the series of mortgages that are on it. And if you think Coolidge ain't smart, you just watch him not take it.”

“The crime of taxation is not in the taking it, it's in the way that it's spent.”

“We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?”

“Say, did you read what this writer just dug up in George Washington's diary? I was so ashamed I sat up all night reading it.”

“It's the fellow who knows when to quit that the audience wants more of.”

“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.”

“You have a wonderful organization. I understand you have ten thousand here. And if you count the ones in the various federal prisons, it brings your total membership up to around thirty thousand.”

“We know lots of things we didn't use to know but we don't know any way to prevent 'em from happening.”