#Lawyers Quotes

“"Lawyers Are": Perilous mouths.”

“I don't think you can make a lawyer honest by an act of legislature. You've got to work on his conscience. And his lack of conscience is what makes him a lawyer.”

“People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.”

“Everytime a lawyer writes something, he is not writing for posterity, he is writing something so that endless others of his craft can make a living out of trying to figure out what he said. Course perhaps he really haden't said anything, that's what makes it so hard to explain.”

“The minute you read something and you can't understand it, you can be sure it was written by a lawyer. Then, if you give it to another lawyer to read and he don't know just what it means, then you can be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer. If it's in a few words and is plain, and understandable only one way, it was written by a non-lawyer.”

“The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.”

“Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.”

“The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing.”

“The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.”

“There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.”

“A lawyer without books would be like a workman without tools.”

“If the present Congress errs in too much talking, how can it be otherwise in a body to which the people send one hundred and fifty lawyers, whose trade it is to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour?”

“Lawyers have been known to wrest from reluctant juries triumphant verdicts of acquittal for their clients, even when those clients, as often happens, were clearly and unmistakably innocent.”

“The law is a system that protects everybody who can afford to hire a good lawyer.”

“I do not believe in lawyers, in that mode of attacking or defending a man, because you descend to meet the judge on his own ground, and, in cases of the highest importance, it is of no consequence whether a man breaks a human law or not. Let lawyers decide trivial cases.”

“Heaven knows insanity was disreputable enough, long ago; but now that the lawyers have got to cutting every gallows rope and picking every prison lock with it, it is become a sneaking villainy that ought to hang and keep on hanging its sudden possessors until evil-doers should conclude that the safest plan was to never claim to have it until they came by it legitimately. The very calibre of the people the lawyers most frequently try to save by the insanity subterfuge ought to laugh the plea out of the courts, one would think.”

“"Lawyers Are": Those whose interests and abilities lie in perverting, confounding and eluding the law.”

“If all the lawyers were hanged tomorrow, and their bones were sold to a mah jong factory, we'd all be freer and safer, and our taxes would be reduced by almost a half.”

“Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?”

“If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?”

“I don't know who the great lawyers are, and I presume you can't get to them. I know of no case where it can be said for certain that they took part. They defend some people, but you can't get them to do that through your own efforts, they only defend the ones they want to defend. But I assume a case they take on must have progressed beyond the lower court. It's better not to think of them at all, otherwise you'll find the consultations with the other lawyers, their advice and their assistance, extremely disgusting and useless.”

“A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a "brief."”

“Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met.”

“Lawyers are men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers.”

“Lawyers are the jackals of commerce.”

“Prosperity: that condition which attracts the lively interest of lawyers, and warrants your being sued for damages, or indicted, or both.”

“There is a vague popular belief that lawyers are necessarily dishonest. I say vague, because when we consider to what extent confidence and honors are reposed in and conferred upon lawyers by the people, it appears improbable that their impression of dishonesty is very distinct and vivid. Yet the impression is common, almost universal.”