Groucho Marx Quotes

“There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.”

“Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.”

“I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.”

“Celebrate the cracks, because that's how the light comes in.”

“Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.”

“Mrs. Teasdale calls for rescue and Firefly delivers the famous line to his cohorts as they rescue her: "Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did."”

“I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.”

“I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.”

“TV is the rat race of the century.”

“I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago...I shot my broker.”

“I'd have liked to have gone to bed with Jean Harlow. She was a beautiful broad. The fellow who married her was impotent and he killed himself. I would have done the same thing.”

“Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.”

“My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.”