“My father was a small claims court jester.”

“The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.”

“If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?”

“I have a fax machine with "fax waiting".”

“I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'”

“It is in the interest of the wage-earner to have many other alternatives open to him than service under one all-powerful employer called the State”

“I've never been very fully employed either.”

“It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.”