"If you saw a heat wave, would..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“I just got this new camera. It's very advanced - you don't even need it.”

“I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.”

“If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?”

“I would like it if four people did a cartwheel all at once... so I can make a cart.”

“I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.”

“Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.”

“When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'”

“Democrats always were a cheap lot. They never had much money to operate on.... They would rather make a speech than a dollar. They cultivate their voice instead of their finances.”

“Will Rogers once said it is not the original investment in a Congressman that counts; it is the upkeep.”