"Why do psychics have to ask you..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.”

“Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'”

“Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances.”

“Though we travel the world over to find beauty, we must carry it with us or we find it not . . . The difference between landscape and landscape is small, but there is a great difference in beholders.”

“If for some reason you are unsure where to go, all you have to do is stand there looking lost, and within seconds a helpful New Yorker will approach to see if you have any "spare" change.”

“There were no ugly people in Ethiopia”

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.”

“To be born, or at any rate bred, in a hand-bag, whether it had handles or not, seems to me to display a contempt for the ordinary decencies of family life that reminds one of the worst excesses of the French Revolution.”

“Like dear St. Francis of Assisi I am wedded to Poverty: but in my case the marriage is not a success.”