"During one of my treks through Afghanistan,..." - Quote by W C Fields

“Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.”

“I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.”

“Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.”

“I met Jonah Lomu. I never knew how huge he was. I felt like a peasant in a Godzilla movie. 'Quickly! Tell the other villagers! We go now!'”

“To speak frankly, I am not in favour of long engagements. They give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which I think is never advisable.”

“Petruchio: Come, come, you wasp; i' faith, you are too angry. Katherine: If I be waspish, best beware my sting. Petruchio: My remedy is then, to pluck it out. Katherine: Ay, if the fool could find where it lies. Petruchio: Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting? In his tail. Katherine: In his tongue. Petruchio: Whose tongue? Katherine: Yours, if you talk of tails: and so farewell. Petruchio: What, with my tongue in your tail? Nay, come again, Good Kate; I am a gentleman.”

“England is a very popular foreign country to visit because the people there speak some English.”

“The existing phrasebooks are inadequate. They are well enough as far as they go, but when you fall down and skin your leg they don't tell you what to say.”

“He who is only a traveler learns things at second-hand and by the halves, and is poor authority. We are most interested when science reports what those men already know practically or instinctively, for that alone is a true humanity, or account of human experience.”