"I was in the supermarket the other..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“Is it possible to be totally partial?”

“I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'”

“Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?”

“Mrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty: "The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you." Firefly replies: "Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more."”

“I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote".”

“Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, "I can't knit, get this away from me!"”

“To do right is wonderful. To teach others to do right is even more wonderful--and much easier.”

“In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.”

“I must decline your invitation owing to a subsequent engagement.”