"Why do they sterilize needles for lethal..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“I can't stop thinking like this.”

“I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because then it's serious business.”

“Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?”

“The lie, as a virtue, a principle, is eternal; the lie, as a recreation, a solace, a refuge in time of need, the fourth Grace, the tenth Muse, man's best and surest friend is immortal”

“Golf. Trying to knock a tiny ball into an even smaller hole with implements ill suited to the purpose.”

“They [Federalist European Politicians] divide their time between court room, prison and debating chamber - giving a whole new meaning to the term 'conviction politician'.”

“The most perfidious way of harming a cause consists of defending it deliberately with faulty arguments.”

“If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?”

“My God, but what do I care about the laws of nature and arithmatic if for some reason these laws and two times two is four are not to my liking?”