"I'm going to get an MRI to..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“Do radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives?”

“What happens if you get scared half to death twice?”

“If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?”

“Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.”

“I guess I don't so much mind being old, as I mind being fat and old.”

“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.”

“Agassiz does recommend authors to eat fish, because the phosphorus in it makes brains. But I cannot help you to a decision about the amount you need to eat. Perhaps a couple of whales would be enough.”

“Young ladies should take care of themselves. Young ladies are delicate plants. They should take care of their health and their complexion. My dear, did you change your stockings?”

“The greater your power degree, the extra environment friendly your physique. The extra environment friendly your physique, the higher you are feeling and the extra you'll use your expertise to supply excellent outcomes.”