“My father was a small claims court jester.”

“The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.”

“If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?”

“I have a fax machine with "fax waiting".”

“I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'”

“Sir, in my heart there was a kind of fighting That would not let me sleep.”

“The fear's as bad as falling.”

“Some of your griefs you have cured, And the sharpest you still have survived, But what torments of grief you've endured From evils that never arrived.”