"Sometimes I wish my first word was..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.”

“Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.”

“I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.”

“I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.”

“On the other hand, you have different fingers.”

“Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.”

“Marriage is good enough for the lower classes: they have facilities for desertion that are denied to us.”

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”

“Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?”