"Can you buy an entire chess set..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?”

“I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.”

“If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?”

“I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books”

“I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.”

“I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.”

“We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?”

“Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.”

“I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .”