"What's another word for Thesaurus?..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.”

“If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?”

“Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?”

“I took a baby shower.”

“I was an only child, eventually.”

“I have a fax machine with "fax waiting".”

“The only people who should use the possessive 'we' are kings, newspaper editors, and persons with tapeworms.”

“Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.”

“There still shines the most important nuance by virtue of which the noble felt themselves to be men of a higher rank. They designate themselves simply by their superiority in power (as "the powerful," "the masters," "the commanders") or by the most clearly visible signs of this superiority, for example, as "the rich," "the possessors" (this is the meaning of 'Arya,' and of corresponding words in Iranian and Slavic).”