"For two hours, some guy followed me..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.”

“I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.”

“She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.”

“I like golf because you can be really terrible at it, and still not look much dorkier than anybody else.”

“I'm kinda like herpes, I just keep coming back.”

“I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.”

“Slanders, sir, for the satirical rogue says here that old men have grey beards, that their faces are wrinkled, their eyes purging think amber and plum-tree gum, and that they have a plentiful lack of wit, together with most weak hams.”

“She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.”

“If you cannot prove a man wrong, don't panic. You can always call him names.”