“I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?”

“Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.”

“The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.”

“If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.”

“I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.”

“There is nothing in the world that we do as much as we do eating”

“I never eat before breakfast.”

“I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.”