"Reminds me of my safari in Africa...." - Quote by W C Fields

“Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.”

“Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.”

“During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.”

“Ven you read the speeches in the papers, and see as vun gen'lman says of another, 'the Honourable member, if he vill allow me to call him so' you vill understand, sir, that that means, 'if he vill allow me to keep up that 'ere pleasant and uniwersal fiction.'”

“The minute you read something and you can't understand it, you can be sure it was written by a lawyer. Then, if you give it to another lawyer to read and he don't know just what it means, then you can be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer. If it's in a few words and is plain, and understandable only one way, it was written by a non-lawyer.”

“Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.”

“I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.”

“If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.”

“I have very poor and unhappy brains for drinking: I could well wish courtesy would invent some other custom of entertainment.”