"Back in my rummy days, I would..." - Quote by W C Fields

“If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.”

“Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.”

“If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.”

“There ain't no way to find out why a snorer can't hear himself snore.”

“Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.”

“I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.”

“Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.”

“Two simple principles lie at the bottom of the whole matter, and they may be precipitated into two rules. The first is that, when there is a choice, the milder drink is always the better-not merely the safer but the better. The second is that no really enlightened drinker ever takes a drink at a time when he has any work to do. There is, of course, more to it than this; but these are sufficient for the beginner, and even the virtuoso never outgrows them.”

“Don't you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk since I was fifteen and few things have given me more pleasure.”