"If Barbie is so popular, why do..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, "Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday."”

“Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?”

“How young can you die of old age?”

“Some are weatherwise, some are otherwise.”

“I do a lot of reading, a lot of studying. I ask questions, I'll go out, travel these countries, I'll watch how their people live, and I learn.”

“What new thoughts are suggested by seeing a face of country quite familiar, in the rapid movement of the rail-road car!”

“Junk food, empty calories and carbs are the Big Data of the masses”

“Several months ago, out of the blue, a company named "Cingular" started sending me bills. I had never heard of Cingular, and I honestly did not know what these bills were for, so I put them in the pile where I keep documents that I intend to scrutinize more carefully later on, after my death. Then I started seeing TV commercials for Cingular, but of course they did not make it clear what Cingular is, because the First Rule of Modern Advertising is: "Never reveal what you are advertising."”

“A Realtor is an old fashioned Real Estate man with a neck tie. A Real Estate man sold you what you wanted, a Realtor sells you what you don't need. A Real Estate man showed you what you could raise on the land, a Realtor tells you what you can build on it.”