“My father was a small claims court jester.”

“The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.”

“If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?”

“I have a fax machine with "fax waiting".”

“I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'”

“Our expenses are all for conformity.”

“But it is a cold, lifeless business when you go to the shops to buy something, which does not represent your life and talent, but a goldsmith's.”

“American invents everything, but the trouble is we get tired of it the minute the new is wore off.”