"Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back, you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.”

“I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.”

“Is it possible to be totally partial?”

“Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.”

“When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles... ...they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle bottle paddle battle.”

“Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”

“I like to smoke a pipe, because it's the punch line indicator. Whenever I take a hit of the pipe, you should be laughing.”

“I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.”

“What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?”