"It was a woman who drove me..." - Quote by W C Fields

“There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.”

“Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.”

“First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.”

“When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.”

“I find you offensive for finding me offensive”

“I have discovered photography. Now I can kill myself. I have nothing else to learn.”

“I've made it a rule never to drink by daylight and never to refuse a drink after dark.”

“I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.”

“I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.”