"I've been drunk only once in my..." - Quote by W C Fields

“Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night”

“Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?”

“I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.”

“Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes.”

“There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep.”

“Other guys read Playboy. I read annual reports.”

“Drink to me. Drink to my health. You know I can't drink any more.”

“The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.”

“Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.”