"Whose cruel idea was it for the..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“I have a quantum car. Every time I look at the speedometer I get lost.”

“I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.”

“I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.”

“Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.”

“In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!”

“Is it possible to be totally partial?”

“When in doubt, make funny faces.”

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”

“All pleasantry should be short; and it might even be as well were the serious short also.”