"I must have a drink of breakfast...." - Quote by W C Fields

“Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.”

“Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)”

“I never eat before breakfast.”

“If success corrupts, I'm probably pretty corrupted by now.”

“Look at the walls of Pompeii. That's what got the internet started.”

“On quantum theory I use up more brain grease (rough translation of German idiom) than on relativity.”

“It is not the drinker, but the man who has just stopped drinking, who thinks the world is going to the dogs.”

“There's something wonderful about drinking in the afternoon. A not-too-cold pint, absolutely alone at the bar - even in this fake-ass Irish pub.”

“Got tight last night on absinthe and did knife tricks. Great success shooting the knife underhand into the piano. The woodworms are so bad and eat hell out of all the furniture that you can always claim the woodworms did it.”