"Scotch needs water like a fish needs..." - Quote by W C Fields
Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
More by W C Fields
“It is funnier to bend things than to break them.”
“It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.”
“I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.”
More on Humor
“I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.”
“Sleep is like the unicorn - it is rumored to exist, but I doubt I will see any”
“The 100% American is 99% idiot.”
More on Drinking
“The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whisky. By diligent effort, I learned to like it.”
“The man that isn't jolly after drinking is just a drivelling idiot, to my thinking.”
“They're professionals at this in Russia, so no matter how many Jell-O shots or Jager shooters you might have downed at college mixers, no matter how good a drinker you might think you are, don't forget that the Russians - any Russian - can drink you under the table.”