"I know a lot about cars, man...." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
More by Mitch Hedberg
“I don't like grouper fish. Well, they're okay. They hang around star fish. Because they're grouper fish.”
“I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.”
“Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.”
More on Humor
“I can't explain why a bride buys her wedding dress, whereas a groom rents his tux.”
“I only have 'yes' men around me. Who needs 'no' men?”
“'I'm sorry,' guys are always telling women, 'but I'm just not ready to make a commitment.' Guys are in a permanent state of nonreadiness. If guys were turkey breasts, you could put them in a 350-degree oven on July Fourth, and they still wouldn't be done in time for Thanksgiving.”