Social Critic Quotes

“Life is a series of dogs.”

“I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.”

“Where do we get our values from?”

“Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.”

“We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.”

“Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!”

“I was a class clown, of the classic term for it. I would get the work done easily, and then I would try to deprive other people of their educations. I developed skills for mimicry, and I was a good showoff. I knew how to get attention, and I knew how to do it in a positive funny way.”

“Comedy, I figured, was the thing that came to me the most easily. Playing the trumpet and piano took practice. I thought that was a waste of time. I'd go out on the street corner and be funny. In a minute.”

“'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?”

“In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.”

“The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.”

“I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.”

“Life is tough, then you die.”

“Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.”

“The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.”

“If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?”

“It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.”

“The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.”

“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”

“The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.”

“The fact that I didn't finish school left me with a lifelong need to prove that I'm smart, prove it to myself, maybe to the world. I [also] needed to be - not the center of attention - but I needed to be able to attract attention when I wanted it, through my stunts and my fooling around physically with faces or postures or voices I would do. Those things are important elements in the drive behind all of this [my career].”

“There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.”

“Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.”

“In my fifth-grade yearbook - it's right up there on the top shell - the last page says, "What about your future?" and under my name, it says, "When I grow up, I would like to be either an actor, a radio announcer, an impersonator or a comedian."”

“They mention that it's a nonstop flight. Well, I must say I don't care for that sort of thing. Call me old fashioned, but I insist that my flight stop. Preferably at an airport.”