#Medical Quotes

“Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.”

“The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.”

“I'm going to get an MRI to find out whether I have claustrophobia.”

“Priapism is what happens when someone gets strangulated to the point of hypoxia.”

“I loved the angiogram. They stick a thing in your thigh and it goes all the way up to your heart. Isn't that a thrill? Well, at least the nurse scored thigh.”

“Never accept a drink from a urologist.”

“I became hysterical and frightened and begged for sedation. And that was just the first prenatal visit.”

“Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.”

“I become faint and nauseous during even very minor medical procedures, such as making an appointment by phone.”

“As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.”

“I'm a big believer in anesthesia. I think it should be used for every medical procedure, indlucing routine physicals.”

“It is a good idea to 'shop around' before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Mercedes. Ask about the competence of his mechanic. Don't be shy! After all, you're paying for it.”

“Is there a medical rule that requires doctors-office personnel to treat you as though you have the IQ of a Cheeto?”

“I see in him (Dr. Max Gerson) one of the most eminent medical geniuses in the history of medicine...he was greatly impeded by adverse political conditions.”