“I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.”
“I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.”
“Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.”
“The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going going to drop?”
“I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.”
“Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.”
“The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.”
“Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can.”
“Never order food in excess of your body weight.”
“Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.”
“The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar.”
“Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.”
“Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted.”
“I think it's time we women stopped carrying supplies for the entire family. If children don't have room to carry their own toys, if men don't have pockets in their pants, tougho.”
“When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home.”
“You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.”
“Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.”
“She's as funny as a toothache”
“Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.”
“I never go to a college reunion that I don't come away feeling sorry for all those paunchy, balding jocks trying to hang onto youth. I feel sorry for the men, too.”
“Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met.”
“One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.”
“Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.”
“Cats invented self-esteem; there is not an insecure bone in their body.”
“It is fast approaching the point where I don't want tAdenauer to want the job.”
![Quote by Erma Bombeck: Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle,](https://media.bestquoteshere.com/quotes/en/erma-bombeck-quotes/quote-45843-about-parenting-by-erma-bombeck-facebook.webp)
