#Irony Quotes

“What a fool honesty is.”

“Is this the generation of love? Hot blood, hot thoughts and hot deeds? Why, they are vipers. Is love a generation of vipers?”

“With mirth in funeral and with dirge in marriage.”

“When I got enough confidence, the stage was gone. When I was sure of losing, I won. When I needed people the most, they left me. When I learnt to dry my tears, I found a shoulder to cry on. And when I mastered the art of hating, somebody started loving me.”

“Thyself shall see the act; For, as thou urgest justice, be assured Thou shalt have justice, more than thou desir'st.”

“For Brutus is an honourable man;So are they all, all honourable men.”

“His worst fault is, he's given to prayer; he is something peevish that way.”

“When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married.”

“Come, swear it, damn thyself, lest, being like one of heaven, the devils themselves should fear to seize thee; therefore be double-damned, swear,--thou art honest.”

“Law of Contrariness: Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.”

“How well he's read, to reason against reading!”

“Being holiday, the beggar's shop is shut.”

“The more pity, that fools may not speak wisely what wise men do foolishly.”

“We say the cows laid out Boston. Well, there are worse surveyors.”

“I am a sporting man. I always like to give trains and aeroplanes a fair chance of getting away.”

“Democracy means that when there's a knock in the door at 3 am, it's probably the milkman.”

“I have had a number of threatening letters each week, some telling me the actual time and method of my death, and I don't like it.”

“I am very glad there are quite a number of people born with a gift and a liking for all of this; like great chessplayers who play sixteen games at once blindfold and die quite soon of epilepsy. Serve them right! I hope the Mathematicians, however, are well rewarded. I promise never to blackleg their profession nor take the bread out of their mouths.”

“Whenever I feel the need to take some exercise I lie down until the feeling goes away.”

“Decided only to be undecided, resolved to be irresolute, adamant for drift, solid for fluidity, all-powerful to be impotent.”

“How art thou out of breath when thou hast breath To say to me that thou art out of breath?”

“I see, sir, you are liberal in offers. You taught me first to beg, and now methinks You teach me how a beggar should be answered.”

“I am sure that the mistakes of that time will not be repeated; we should probably make another set of mistakes.”

“When I find a ladybug I ask the butler to take it outside instead of killing it.”

“I drink and smoke and I am two hundred percent fit.”

“Their insatiable lust for power is only equaled by their incurable impotence in exercising it.”

“The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.”

“If this is a blessing, it is certainly very well disguised.”

“Fancy cutting down all those beautiful trees...to make pulp for those bloody newspapers, and calling it civilisation.”

“War is mainly a catalogue of blunders.”

“My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.”

“I am easily satisfied with the very best.”

“It is hard, if not impossible, to snub a beautiful woman - they remain beautiful and the snub recoils.”

“Is it possible to get another key? I think I've left mine in the room.”

“There was a man who sold a hyena skin while the beast still lived and who was killed in hunting it.”

“If you want a good argument against democracy, spend five minutes with a voter.”

“Little did we guess that what has been called the century of the common man would witness as its outstanding feature more common men killing each other with greater facilities than any other five centuries together in the history of the world.”

“What a pretty thing man is when he goes in his doublet and hose and leaves off his wit!”

“A sheep in sheep's clothing.”

“A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.”

“Golf. Trying to knock a tiny ball into an even smaller hole with implements ill suited to the purpose.”

“Put together a seaman, soldier and airman and what do you get? The sum of all fears.”

“A baboon in a forest is a matter of legitimate speculation; a baboon in a zoo is an object of public curiosity; but a baboon in your wife’s bed is a cause of the gravest concern.”

“After a time, civil servants tend to become no longer servants and no longer civil.”

“The Times is speechless, and takes three columns to express its speechlessness.”

“All babies look like me.But then, I look like all babies.”

“These, Gentlemen, are the opinions upon which I base my facts.”

“We are sure living in a peculiar time. You get morefor not working than you will for working, and morefor not raising a hog than for raising it.”

“That's what a Congressman or a Senator is for -- to see that too much money don't accumulate in the national Treasury.”

“When everybody has got money they cut taxes, and when they're broke they raise them. That's statesmanship of the highest order.”